“When the whips are cracking, the willingness to learn and the ability to accept change is really what matters. There isn’t any room for excuses.” James Harding
At Hard Cuddles there are two non-negotiables that need to be answered correctly before we begin the healing process of recovery. How do you respond or adapt to massive change? And how do you handle the feeling of being uncomfortable for long periods of time?
The change and un-comfortability components mentioned above, are the two main areas that will always lead an addict back towards addiction if they are not ready or not completely honest with themselves. It doesn’t matter how good the therapist, counsellor or healer is a potential client that is in two minds about their recovery, can cause a lot of doubt for everyone involved.
If an addicts main motivation is to get their parents off their back or appease people around them that are demanding change, it’s doomed from the beginning. And from our point of view it is terribly hard to look two parents in the eye, two parents who see you as a saviour and tell them, “sorry he/she isn’t ready yet.”
One thing we always look for at Hard Cuddles is some FIGHT. What has the individual had to endure? How hard has their struggle been? What level of suffering have they had to withstand? Have they ever gone hungry because they purchased drugs with their last cent?
The hidden truth behind these questions is really very simple. If a person has endured or suffered enough, these experiences will catapult them through certain stages of change and allow the individual to draw on reserves of strength they already know they have.
Take Andy for example; a new client of ours. Andy has been past the point of no return and spent many years in the dark abyss of ice addiction. He has possibly the most compelling story I have heard, but the thing that sets Andy apart from an average addict is his willingness to learn and his ability to accept change. He was ready to stand up and fight for his life and that is precisely what we are looking for at Hard Cuddles.
What we are finding is an addict that has grown up in household of privilege, where everything has been done for them or they haven’t been used to hearing the word no, is going to struggle. To be completely honest this particular type of addict always seems to find an excuse or a way of wriggling out from genuine self-reflection and honest feedback. Struggle is the unavoidable lesson attached to addiction and the struggle will keep repeating itself till the addict understands the hidden truth in the journey.
Don’t be afraid to ask these questions to an addict that is “talking” about change, then let your intuition guide you towards what you think is the truth. Addiction can be a very slippery and conceited scenario, compounded by shame, guilt, lies and deception. So let your internal instinct lead you in the right direction. Park the analytical brain and listen to your truth.
Why we like to work with addiction is primarily because we see it as the pointy end of mental health. Human beings self-medicating is a sure sign of someone that isn’t particularly comfortable with who they are and also something we understand through our own lived experiences.
If this resonates with you do not hesitate to contact the Hard Cuddles team.
You don’t have to be alone anymore.
Love and prosperity,
James “the hammer” Harding
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